This is slightly delayed...I wrote this last year for a Mother's day special article, please enjoy and remember that my refined writing skills were not as succinct as they are now...so forgive me!
Meet the parents: Mother’s day special
What to do and what not to do.
So you’re in a new relationship and it’s getting to the stage where it’s more than just whispered conversations and candle lit dinners. It is time to meet the parents.
With Mother’s day fast approaching you have to focus on getting her approval, because as everyone knows, behind every good man, there is a good woman. Mother’s day is a time to celebrate the person who has dedicated their life to bring you up and that is no mean feat. You have to be special and make a good impression to impress her enough to let her son/daughter’s happiness fall upon you.
For anyone no matter what age this can be a daunting stage in a relationship. You’re just starting to get to know each other and bang, there are two more people who want to get to know you as well, but these two could make or break your relationship. A good impression on the guardians of your partner is crucial. You don’t want to end up pissing them off and having to fight for our relationship. So here’s my list of rules to follow if you want to make a good impression on the future in-laws. Take my advice, or not, it’s your funeral.
Royal Treatment: ‘When I first met the boyfriends’ parents, I was invited on a family holiday, where I was into the Lobby of the hotel and I found his family – all of his cousins, aunts and parents all lined up, I think he did it to embarrass me– I felt like I was a royal! I was introduced to them in a procession!’ – Victoria Walker |
1) First things first, make sure that it is the right time because if it’s too early, you may learn things about each other that are best left until farther down the line. If he admits having an STD, I am sure that kind of thing is something you’d to learn on your own. If you haven’t spoken much since you met, it may not be the right time. Make sure you two are in for the long haul, or it will be a nail-biting experience that you didn’t need to go through.
Sexual Tension ‘I was at my boyfriends’ house and there was no one in the house, we had just finished having very loud sex and when we went downstairs afterward we found his dad sitting there, he must have walked in half way through! It was horrendous – we’ve been together over three years now so it can’t have made that bad of an impression!’ - Charlotte Siemianowicz |
2) You are always told to be yourself, and I stand by that advice. However there are some things to take into consideration. You may be the perfect gentleman to your lover, but that’s because you’re in love. Around your friends however your flaws shine through. Whether it’s jealousy, violence, a narcissistic quality, obsessive etc, these are the qualities you may want to keep from them, at least until they see a side of you that they like. By all means tell them stories from your past and be as thoroughly charming as possible, after all if the daughter/son is in love with you, there is no reason that the parents shouldn’t be.
3) You have to want the meeting. If you are forced into it and arguments ensue then you will give off bad vibes when you meet the parents, and the mother will notice!
4) BE ON TIME- The worst thing you can do is turn up an hour late and find them sat there after having drunk three bottles of wine whilst waiting for you to show up. They will not take to you at all if you cannot prove that you are punctual
5) Bring a present to the meal – go for something like a bottle of wine, or some flowers, or both, a present for each parent. If you are feeling generous offer to pay for the meal, if you don’t have the money then don’t bankrupt yourself, parents like to know you can support their other half.
6) Do not talk about sex no matter how down to earth you want to be. Just spare the parents the gory details, no matter what they say; hearing the details of their son/daughters sex life is a deal breaker.
Creeped out ‘My boyfriend lives in Wales, so I was invited to stay over for the weekend, that was awkward enough but I find meeting parents hard. I barely said two words whilst his dad spoke about how he would like to feel a fake boob just to see what it felt like whilst trying to force feed me black pudding (which I spat out ASAP) and his mother was about as shy as me. Oh yeah and there was the niece that called me ‘mama’ which didn’t exactly get me in to the good books of his sister. I mumbled my way through it.’ - Anastasia Balls |
7) Be polite. No mother wants their child to be with someone who does not know how to form a sentence without cursing in every f***ing sentence. It is disrespectful, and if you have to swear or use slang, at least wait until you have made a first impression. Growing up, most parents were taught full English and even bloody was a swear word, so just watch what you say, and remember, they were brought up to speak proper English, don’t let the side down.
8) Whether you are male or female, the mother’s know that if you can dress well, you know how to treat your partner. If you are male, wear a suit and make sure you look flawless, same goes for the women. If you wear a dress/skirt then you will let the mother know that you can be sophisticated and feminine as well as having good taste. Wearing those jeans and your favourite band t-shirt just won’t cut it, leave your personal style until you know the parents better.
9) Be prepared to talk about yourselves, after all you are there to meet the parents and it is there is reason to believe they will want to know every excruciating detail of your life. They will want you to be vocal about your childhood, previous jobs, hobbies and interests. Try not to talk too much about yourself, but extend one word answers and try not to be shy.
Family connections 'I knew his mum before we started going out and his sister was dating my brother so we all kind of knew each other. There have been disputes between his sister and me, she never got over the fact that we were together.' - Katy Vincent |
10) Beware of them wanting to dig up past relationships and negative issues, they will want to know if there is any reason you would hurt their son/daughter. If you have been in jail, been arrested etc, be upfront, it may take them a while to get used to the idea but they will have to admire your honesty, if you are honest all the time then you can be assured that they trust you.
11) Do your research. Make sure you know their parents names, you don’t want to call be cat with Mark and Lucinda, and call them Bob and Freda, that will make them dislike you from the start. Ask them questions about their childhood, their professions, and always, always be alert. Try and remember a fun fact about them, if they have an embarrassing story, try to bond with them over a similar one from your life. If they see similarities between you, they can’t help but like you.
12) Before you leave, make sure that you thank them for inviting you out, and make sure that you say how lovely it was to meet them. Smile all the way through to the end and you will walk out of the meeting feeling as though you could fly, and your partner will be right there alongside you.
When it comes to the big meet and greet it can go one of two ways, either they love you immediately and there is no concern regarding your relationship, or you can set up a bad reputation for yourself, where the parents will discourage their child to debate being with someone else, and if they’re close to their parents, you may on the outside looking in.
Compromising position ‘The first time I met my ex’s mother, my hands were handcuffed behind my back, with my arse in the air and her darling son thrusting into me...She had not felt the need to knock...Afterwards she yelled at him for corrupting me, so I think I got off Scott free!’ - Lydia Nicola |
Although you need to impress both parents, if you are trying to impress your girlfriends’ parents, always make more effort with the father, as fathers have a protective bond over their little girl, and will not let them go to just any man. The mum is important too as most daughters tell their mothers every detail and will be protective in a more gentle way.
If you are trying to impress your boyfriends’ parents, then aim for the mother, as people say men always look for a woman like their mother.
No matter who you are trying to impress the mother is the quintessential person to get in with, because as is said in 2002 film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding: ‘The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn him any way she wants.’
So don’t worry boys, if you make a bad impression on the father, impress her and she will wear him down.
I met my boyfriends’ parents a year and a half ago and they took me on holiday to Austria last year. Making a good impression isn’t hard, be honest, smile, and just show how much you enjoy being together, because it is the son/daughter that you’re in a relationship, most parents only want their kids to be happy, and if you can do that, you are already accepted. This mothers’ day remember your partner and their family, if you’re really in for life then invite them to dinner and prove it.
Good luck, and remember, they could be your in-laws one day!
Victoria V.L Walker
