Blast from the past...advice article

This is slightly delayed...I wrote this last year for a Mother's day special article, please enjoy and remember that my refined writing skills were not as succinct as they are now...so forgive me!

Meet the parents: Mother’s day special

What to do and what not to do.

So you’re in a new relationship and it’s getting to the stage where it’s more than just whispered conversations and candle lit dinners. It is time to meet the parents.

With Mother’s day fast approaching you have to focus on getting her approval, because as everyone knows, behind every good man, there is a good woman. Mother’s day is a time to celebrate the person who has dedicated their life to bring you up and that is no mean feat. You have to be special and make a good impression to impress her enough to let her son/daughter’s happiness fall upon you.

For anyone no matter what age this can be a daunting stage in a relationship. You’re just starting to get to know each other and bang, there are two more people who want to get to know you as well, but these two could make or break your relationship. A good impression on the guardians of your partner is crucial. You don’t want to end up pissing them off and having to fight for our relationship. So here’s my list of rules to follow if you want to make a good impression on the future in-laws. Take my advice, or not, it’s your funeral.

Royal Treatment: ‘When I first met the boyfriends’ parents, I was invited on a family holiday, where I was into the Lobby of the hotel and I found his family – all of his cousins, aunts and parents all lined up, I think he did it to embarrass me– I felt like I was a royal! I was introduced to them in a procession!’ – Victoria Walker

1) First things first, make sure that it is the right time because if it’s too early, you may learn things about each other that are best left until farther down the line. If he admits having an STD, I am sure that kind of thing is something you’d to learn on your own. If you haven’t spoken much since you met, it may not be the right time. Make sure you two are in for the long haul, or it will be a nail-biting experience that you didn’t need to go through.

Sexual Tension ‘I was at my boyfriends’ house and there was no one in the house, we had just finished having very loud sex and when we went downstairs afterward we found his dad sitting there, he must have walked in half way through! It was horrendous – we’ve been together over three years now so it can’t have made that bad of an impression!’ - Charlotte Siemianowicz

2) You are always told to be yourself, and I stand by that advice. However there are some things to take into consideration. You may be the perfect gentleman to your lover, but that’s because you’re in love. Around your friends however your flaws shine through. Whether it’s jealousy, violence, a narcissistic quality, obsessive etc, these are the qualities you may want to keep from them, at least until they see a side of you that they like. By all means tell them stories from your past and be as thoroughly charming as possible, after all if the daughter/son is in love with you, there is no reason that the parents shouldn’t be.

3) You have to want the meeting. If you are forced into it and arguments ensue then you will give off bad vibes when you meet the parents, and the mother will notice!

4) BE ON TIME- The worst thing you can do is turn up an hour late and find them sat there after having drunk three bottles of wine whilst waiting for you to show up. They will not take to you at all if you cannot prove that you are punctual

5) Bring a present to the meal – go for something like a bottle of wine, or some flowers, or both, a present for each parent. If you are feeling generous offer to pay for the meal, if you don’t have the money then don’t bankrupt yourself, parents like to know you can support their other half.

6) Do not talk about sex no matter how down to earth you want to be. Just spare the parents the gory details, no matter what they say; hearing the details of their son/daughters sex life is a deal breaker.

Creeped out ‘My boyfriend lives in Wales, so I was invited to stay over for the weekend, that was awkward enough but I find meeting parents hard. I barely said two words whilst his dad spoke about how he would like to feel a fake boob just to see what it felt like whilst trying to force feed me black pudding (which I spat out ASAP) and his mother was about as shy as me. Oh yeah and there was the niece that called me ‘mama’ which didn’t exactly get me in to the good books of his sister. I mumbled my way through it.’ - Anastasia Balls

7) Be polite. No mother wants their child to be with someone who does not know how to form a sentence without cursing in every f***ing sentence. It is disrespectful, and if you have to swear or use slang, at least wait until you have made a first impression. Growing up, most parents were taught full English and even bloody was a swear word, so just watch what you say, and remember, they were brought up to speak proper English, don’t let the side down.

8) Whether you are male or female, the mother’s know that if you can dress well, you know how to treat your partner. If you are male, wear a suit and make sure you look flawless, same goes for the women. If you wear a dress/skirt then you will let the mother know that you can be sophisticated and feminine as well as having good taste. Wearing those jeans and your favourite band t-shirt just won’t cut it, leave your personal style until you know the parents better.

9) Be prepared to talk about yourselves, after all you are there to meet the parents and it is there is reason to believe they will want to know every excruciating detail of your life. They will want you to be vocal about your childhood, previous jobs, hobbies and interests. Try not to talk too much about yourself, but extend one word answers and try not to be shy.

Family connections 'I knew his mum before we started going out and his sister was dating my brother so we all kind of knew each other. There have been disputes between his sister and me, she never got over the fact that we were together.' - Katy Vincent

10)  Beware of them wanting to dig up past relationships and negative issues, they will want to know if there is any reason you would hurt their son/daughter. If you have been in jail, been arrested etc, be upfront, it may take them a while to get used to the idea but they will have to admire your honesty, if you are honest all the time then you can be assured that they trust you.

11) Do your research. Make sure you know their parents names, you don’t want to call be cat with Mark and Lucinda, and call them Bob and Freda, that will make them dislike you from the start. Ask them questions about their childhood, their professions, and always, always be alert. Try and remember a fun fact about them, if they have an embarrassing story, try to bond with them over a similar one from your life. If they see similarities between you, they can’t help but like you.

12) Before you leave, make sure that you thank them for inviting you out, and make sure that you say how lovely it was to meet them. Smile all the way through to the end and you will walk out of the meeting feeling as though you could fly, and your partner will be right there alongside you.

When it comes to the big meet and greet it can go one of two ways, either they love you immediately and there is no concern regarding your relationship, or you can set up a bad reputation for yourself, where the parents will discourage their child to debate being with someone else, and if they’re close to their parents, you may on the outside looking in.

Compromising position ‘The first time I met my ex’s mother, my hands were handcuffed behind my back, with my arse in the air and her darling son thrusting into me...She had not felt the need to knock...Afterwards she yelled at him for corrupting me, so I think I got off Scott free!’ - Lydia Nicola

Although you need to impress both parents, if you are trying to impress your girlfriends’ parents, always make more effort with the father, as fathers have a protective bond over their little girl, and will not let them go to just any man. The mum is important too as most daughters tell their mothers every detail and will be protective in a more gentle way.

If you are trying to impress your boyfriends’ parents, then aim for the mother, as people say men always look for a woman like their mother.

No matter who you are trying to impress the mother is the quintessential person to get in with, because as is said in 2002 film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding: ‘The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn him any way she wants.’

So don’t worry boys, if you make a bad impression on the father, impress her and she will wear him down.

I met my boyfriends’ parents a year and a half ago and they took me on holiday to Austria last year. Making a good impression isn’t hard, be honest, smile, and just show how much you enjoy being together, because it is the son/daughter that you’re in a relationship, most parents only want their kids to be happy, and if you can do that, you are already accepted. This mothers’ day remember your partner and their family, if you’re really in for life then invite them to dinner and prove it.

Good luck, and remember, they could be your in-laws one day!

Victoria V.L Walker

My latest band profile

Therion Band Profile 07.04.2012
http://otherclothing.co.uk/music/band-profiles-bands-t-shirts-music-reviews/therion-band-profile/

Posted on 07-04-2012 | By: Darkened Crucifix

Category : Band Profiles

With Therion trying to sell out their online store thanks to the uprising of online media sales over CD purchases, and with a world-wide tour beginning at the end of May…Therion are a good band to introduce you to.

Formed in 1987 in Upplands Väsby by Christofer Johnsson, Therion was originally called Blitzkrieg. They have formerly been known under the name Megatherion also.

The band is comprised of Christofer Johnsson (Guitars), Nalle Påhlsson (Bass), Johan Koleberg (Drums), Thomas Vikström (Vocals), Christian Vidal (Guitars) and Lori Lewis (Vocals). 

With 13 albums under their belts Therion have changed a lot through their musical career which all  began in 

1991 with ‘Of Darkness…’. In 1992 there was ‘Beyond Sanctorum’ followed by ‘Symphony Masses –Ho Drakon Ho Megas’ in 1993.

In 1995 ‘Lepaca Kliffoth’ was released closely followed by ‘Theli’ in 1996 and ‘A'arab Zaraq - Lucid Dreaming’ in 1997.

‘Vovin’ was released in 1998 and in 1999 ‘Crowning of Atlantis’ was released.

As we enter the 2000’s Therion don’t let up on their album productions as they release another eight albums in 10 years! ‘Deggial’ began the year 2000 release and ‘Secret of the Runes’ was created in 2001.

Therion took a break until 2004 to create ‘Lemuria and Sirius B’ before taking off another three years to create ‘Gothic Kabbalah’ in 2007.

The latest album to be released by this epic band was ‘Sitra Ahra’  in 2010 and is the best album yet in my opinion.

Therion is due to begin a world tour in May beginning in Uruguay and have listings on their website until October 2012. There have been no confirmed visits to the UK as of yet.

Their best Album: Sitra Ahra (2010)

Best tracks: Sitra Ahra

For more information visit the bands website. www.megatherion.com

Written by Darkened Crucifix.

Victoria V.L Walker

45 years of comedy!

Just a Minute - 45th Anniversary Specials

For ten days only the legendary radio series, Just a Minute, will be coming to screens everywhere in celebration of their 45^th anniversary.

To mark the sacred occasion BBC2 have shown ten televised special editions of Just a Minute that began on March 26^th and the final being shown today. Some of the guests that will make appearances on the TV broadcasts will include Shappi Khorsandi, Liza Tarbuck and Marcus Brigstocke.

Alongside the TV shows Just a Minute Without Hesitation was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 Extra on 17^th March at 9am which relayed classic moments from the previous 45 years.

Radio 4 will also be hosting the Mumbai Just a Minute specials for your listening pleasure.

In 1967 Nicholas Parsons hosted the first programme and following suit, he will also chair the TV shows as well.

Parsons has recently said: "After 45 years of chairing Just A Minute on the radio, I am very excited to be hosting these special celebratory episodes for BBC Two. I'm sure they will be popular with the show's many fans and hopefully with a few new ones as well."

The panel show had a simple premise. You got given a minute to talk about a selected topic without repetition, hesitation or deviation.

The idea for this show first came about after Ian Messiter was on a bus and remembered his old Latin Teacher. Messiter remembered this being used as a punishment in the 1930s when he was in school. Sadly Messiter passed away in 1999.

Previous guests took the game a little too seriously at first which detracted from the intended comedic value until a regular line-up was created. This panel was then made up of Kenneth Williams, Clement Freud, Derek Nimmo and Peter Jones.

New host Nicholas Parsons introduced regular participant Paul Merton who actually wrote to them asking to be on the show. Once they agreed, Merton took the panel show by storm with his witticism.

With Merton bringing in a younger audience he also brought a new host of people to appear on the show such as Sue Perkins and well known celebrities such as Stephen Fry and Julian Clary.

Parsons is known as the reason for the continued success of the show due to his premise as host. Parsons has brought a new lease of life to the show along with the topics, which in one of the televised programmes created for the anniversary included himself!

Parsons misinterpretations of the rules alongside the guest’s opinions on what goes wrong make the show what it is today!

If you want to catch up on any missed programmes you can watch them on iPlayer, but they disappear by April 12^th 2012 so I recommend you watch them without hesitation!

Victoria V.L Walker

100 year celebrations!

100 year anniversary of Titanic

On April 12^th 1912 a tragedy struck the North Atlantic Sea. The maiden Voyage of Titanic fell into chaos when the ship smashed into an iceberg and caused irreparable damage. The ship sank to the bottom of the ocean taking most people with her.

100 years later and the tragedy is still in people’s minds. For those of you who do not remember or were too young to remember the Titanic Voyage, the ship sank on April 15^th 1912. Upon its release the ship was deemed unsinkable due to the way the ship was structured by Harland and Wolff. The Titanic’s chief advisor was Thomas Andrews who sadly went down with the ship. The word ‘unsinkable’ was one that floated around and to this day haunts those who sailed upon her and who built her. The structure was based upon centuries of advancements made by wooden boats, and the design was created in steel but no one took into consideration the sheer size of the ship or how a boat that size could ever avoid an iceberg.

On a cold night with very little wind, First Officer Murdoch gave the orders for the ship to take a sharp left turn to avoid collision with a foreseen iceberg. The engines were switched to reverse but the ship could not move in time and a hole 300 foot in size was created. Flooding began in six compartments but as the water levels rose the ship was pulled under and the ship was torn apart. The bow sank first leaving the stern at 90 degrees to the water’s icy surface before slowly sinking itself.

Women and children were instructed to evacuate the boat first through life boats around the ship but there were never going to be enough. Many people died in this tragic accident and some survived. 100 years later and there is a lot going on to celebrate the lives lost that night.

If you want to experience such an event, a film was created in 1997 about the event starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet depicting a love story that was struck on the voyage.

 ‘A once in a lifetime event’ will take place. On the 8^th April 2012, the MS Balmoral will depart from Southampton and follow the original itinerary of the R.M.S Titanic as part of a 12 night memorial cruise. The journey will pass through Cherbourg before heading to Cobh on the Irish Port.

An anniversary cruise will take place from New York on April 10^th 2012, for an eight night voyage on cruise liner Azamara. Stops included on this trip are Halifax and then to the memorial sire in celebration of the 100^th year anniversary.

These journeys will attract Titanic enthusiasts, decedents of Titanic passengers and history buffs where they can enjoy a taste of life on the seas.

According to previous articles, Passengers that have already booked said:

“Once in a lifetime opportunity”

“This is something I have dreamt of since I was a small boy and look forward to it being an adventure of a lifetime. This kind of history happens only once and I am pleased to participate”

“My great grandfather was a Glory Hole steward on-board and survived rowing lifeboat No 13 to safety”

“The 2012 cruise will be a great tribute to the Titanic and not one to be missed”

On the anniversary of its sinking, the remains of the Titanic will be classed under the protecting underwater cultural heritage convention of 2001. UNESCO, which is the UN cultural and scientific agency only grants this to ‘remains that have been submerged for more than 100 years.’

UNESCO, in a statement said that this convention means that any artefacts that were stolen from the Titanic can be seized and exploration can be prevented that is not necessary. This is due to concern regarding the looting of ship wrecks.

Whatever you do to celebrate the anniversary of the R.M.S Titanic, remember the people who died in this incident and say a prayer for those who lived through the ordeal.

Victoria V.L Walker

Celebrating 100 episodes of comedy!

The Big Bang Theory

From buying time machines, to relationships with phone operating systems, The Big Bang Theory has hit a milestone for any series! Celebrating their 100^th episode, The Big Bang Theory has had a night of fun with E4. With two brand new episodes, and two well informed documentaries the American comedy has reached a milestone in any sitcom.

Series directors, Mark Cendrowski, Peter Chakos, Anthony Joseph Rich and Howard Murray must be having one hell of a party in celebration of their achievements! Joining them are the two main series writers Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady!

The story itself follows four friends on their journey from science (as they are all scientists!) to real life. We have Leonard Hofstadter (Johnny Galecki), a loveable geek who just wants to have a girlfriend, Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) who is smarter than all of your friends put together! He is the most comedic person that is a stand-alone legend. Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg) is the only one without the Doctor status, and is always put down for it, well that and his being Jewish but that doesn’t stop his loveable finance from loving him! And to complete the foursome is Rajesh Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar), an inquisitive Indian fellow that can only talk to women when drunk.

If you think there are too many men in this programme, then welcome Penny (Kaley Cuoco) the girl who moves into an apartment opposite unlikely roommates Sheldon and Leonard and the girl who is sent to change everything. Through their interaction, the awkward scientists learn how to deal with scenarios they are not accustomed to…such as dating and social interaction with real people!

As the series progress the cast expands to include Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) now known as Howard’s wife to be, god help her and her squeaky voice!

A shock to all who know and love each and every character in this series was the arrival of a love interest for 

Sheldon and they couldn’t have cast her any better! Amy Farrah Fowler (Mayim Bialik) as she is the duplicate of Sheldon…but as a woman!

If you want an amazing and realistic journey through four men learning how to live in the real world and break from a routine, then you need to watch, or keep watching this series!

To celebrate their 100^th episode the cast got to air their two brand new episodes and two documentaries. 

One documentary looked into the behind the scenes filming of the episodes and the other revolves around the making of the series. For any fan, Thursday 5^th April will be a milestone that no one will forget.

The cast and writers have been spectacular and I hope that this programme continues to make us laugh and confuse us with the scientific terminology! If you want to see what happens when a robot arm is misused, watching a grown man learn to drive on a simulator, what happens when a girl gets a tiara and blatant undertones of gay/lesbian tendencies…then this is the programme for you!

May it live long and prosper!

BAZINGA!

Victoria V.L. Walker

The Chinese State Circus!

The Chinese State Circus: 

26th March 2012, The Regent Theatre, Hanley.

Have you ever wondered how many people you can get on a bike? Or wondered how many plates you can spin whilst standing on your head?

If so, go and see The Chinese State Circus in their UK production of ‘Yin Yang’. I had the pleasure of seeing it on Monday 26^th March at The Regent Theatre in Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent. You will not regret seeing this as showcases the best in artistic acrobatics.

The circus is made up of 28 people and mixes a variety of acts including acrobatic pole work, hat juggling and live music.

There were many acts during the 2 hour performance which included women spinning four plates in each hand whilst partaking in flips, performing splits and standing on their heads. One daring female walked across five other’s heads whilst continuing to spin plates!

You could also witness the amazing Shaolin Warrior where they performed acts including smashing three bricks on their head and smashing a concrete tile on their stomach whilst lying on a bed of nails!

If you enjoy juggling acts you will love this performance because not only is there an amazing hat juggling act but there is also a group of women who juggle drums with their feet and what can only be described as giant sized yin yang branded baby bells. There is also some parasol juggling to add to the spectrum.

The musicians that work alongside the circus performers play on traditional Chinese instruments and are all highly talented at what they do!

Every part of the show was well thought out including the act changes where an entertainer comes on to keep us occupied as the sets get changed. He encouraged audience participation which included popcorn throwing 

and four gentleman learning  to balance on each other whilst laid down!

There were jump rope skills you can only dream of accomplishing, dancing dragons and an extraordinary ballet act which ended with the female balancing on the male’s head on one foot, on her tip toes!

In answer to the previous question of how many people can you fit on one bike, the answer in this production is eight!

It was truly a fantastic experience and I encourage all to go and see it. I have included a  YouTube video of one of the performances below and there are a few pictures from the show that have been taken from the Chinese State Circus website.

To get more information, future performance locations or to buy tickets, please visit: http://www.chinesestatecircus.com.

Quotes from their website listing opinions are included below:

“Spectacular   - the most exhilarating circus it has ever been my privilege to see”

Evening Standard

“Rarely is such excitement generated in a theatre ….the whole audience hangs breathless”

Manchester Evening News

“Stunning displays of acrobatic prowess, strength, agility, and contortionism” - 

The List, Edinburgh

 “Sell the dog, skip the weekly trip to the supermarket…but miss this show at your peril!”

Norwich Weekly

Victoria V.L. Walker

My Center Parcs Experience 2012

Center Parcs Guinea Pig Article

Center Parcs is deemed as a desirable holiday for families, sports enthusiasts and groups of people. With all the hype going around about how great Center Parcs is and the value for money aspect, I thought that I would head down there with some friends and test out the waters, quite literally.

There are currently four main locations in the UK where you can visit Center Parcs for a luxury break. The four locations are Elveden Forest in Suffolk, Longleat Forest in Wiltshire, Whinfell Forest in Penrith and Sherwood Forest in Rufford, Nottinghamshire. However coming soon there is going to be a fourth in Woburn, near Milton Keynes!

After securing five friends to accompany me on this venture, we all sat down to plan the trip. We originally planned to stay at Longleat Forest with plans to have a day trip to Longleat Safari Park, however it seemed fate was not smiling down on us as the safari park was in fact close on the week we planned to go so that put a spanner in the works of that plan.

After this original set back we ploughed on and found Elveden Forest was closer to our original location of Milton Keynes so we found our second location. The length of our stay was clinched in amatter of seconds when we realised that we could go Monday – Friday of any week in the foreseeable future. However Center Parcs also offer bookings for weekend stays, week long stays as well as special breaks available for pre-Christmas, Christmas, pre-New Year, New Year and post-New Year as well.

When it comes to choosing accommodation type Center Parcs has a wide variety of choices. In fact there are eight different types of accommodation for you to choose from depending on cost and circumstances.

The Comfort Villa: This is THE basic accommodation choice and the cheapest. For this choice you will receive an open plan kitchen, dining room and lounge area, a family bathroom and an external patio.

Comfort Plus: This is one up from the Comfort Villa and for this you get an external patio complete with BBQ area,  A DVD player, a dishwasher, a supply of towels and a second TV located in the main bedroom.

New Style Woodland Lodge: If you choose to go with the New Style Lodge you will get Stylish new interiors and furnishings, a modern and fully equipped kitchen complete with dishwasher, a modern family bathroom, a DVD player and LCD TV and the BBQ Patio area.

Original Style Executive: If you can afford to stay in this accommodation you will receive an En-Suite Bath/Shower room however if you are staying at Whinfell then exceptions apply. You will also receive daily maid service which none of the previous choices come with. An LCD TV is supplied in each room with exceptions when staying at Elveden. You may be lucky enough to be blessed with a sauna where stated and you will also receive free WiFi.

New Style Executive Lodge: If you choose to upgrade to the New Style Executive Lodge you get an En-Suite Bath/Shower room regardless of location, a daily maid service, an LCD TV in each room regardless of location, a sauna where stated and free WiFi.

New Style Exclusive Lodge: For this accommodation you would have to stay at Longleat Forest or Elveden Forest. If you chose one of these you would get spa facilities which include a steam room, sauna and hot tub. A games room complete with a pool table, a private garden, Free WiFi, a daily maid service and En-Suite Shower/Bath room.

Treehouses: To stay within one of the treehouses you would have to stay at wither Longleat Forest or Sherwood Forest. If you are able to afford this accommodation then you would get an Infrared Physiotherm room and balcony hot tub, a games den with pool table, an En-suite Shower/Bath room, 4 bedrooms with balcony views, a daily maid service and free WiFi.

New Style Woodland Lodge

After surveying all the options we all decided to go for the new style woodland lodge because it totalled £300 between six people! Bargain! Prices do vary depending on location and time of year.

The location of your accommodation is a choice you get to make, upon booking you can choose to pay to be located as close to the centre as possible or you can do what we did and leave it to chance. We chose to just pay for the accommodation and stay in whatever they had available at the time. By doing that we got a free upgrade and were only five minutes from the centre, so for us it paid off! I am not saying it will work that way all the time but sometimes it is a very fruitful split-second decision. You could end up a 40 minute walk from the centre!

When at Center Parcs you can choose to book activities that range from Golf to renting a Pedalo so we decided to book archery which cost £16 each and some bowling which came to £3.50 each. Not too bad as pricing goes. We also dipped into our funds for a round of Adventure Golf!

When we arrived at the accommodation one thing that is questionable is the fact you cannot access your accommodation until 3pm meaning an almost wasted first day. The upside to this however is that you have access to the rest of the site including free use of the swimming pool and all activities are available to book so if you get there early, you can park up and head on a tour of the facilities.

When accessing the accommodation for the first time we were somewhat underwhelmed with certain aspects and surprisingly pleased with others. The lodge itself is a nice size and ideal for six people to stay in. The living area is well equipped with a luxury TV and plenty of seating space and the bedrooms are nice sizes, one of the smaller twin bedrooms is a bit on the small side but that cannot be helped. The area where the accommodation fell down most was in the ‘fully equipped kitchen’. Now it is true that there was enough cutlery and enough plates and bowls etc but when it came to pans and tools to cook with, there could have been a few more utensils provided. The fridge freezer is a bit on the small side however and for six people for a five day stay it is a little preposterous to assume that they would be willing to go shopping each day to buy supplies. We bought enough food to last us the four days but struggled to fit more than two pizza’s in the freezer compartment and with the three shelf fridge. There was however plenty of cupboard space and drawer space.

One thing that I find quite odd in a holiday village is that Center Parcs provide you with your first two toilet rolls, but after that you’re on your own. In most places I have read about/experienced they give you at least a week’s supply or somewhere you can go to get some more but not in this venue. Here you are expected to buy some more when you run out, which seemed baffling to me!

A small part of the swimming facilities

One bonus to a Center Parcs holiday and a massive positive on their behalf is their absolutely amazing swimming pool facilities. I am used to a pretty basic school swimming pool so having my eyes opened to a fabulous area like that was spectacular! Not only does it look like a tropical paradise but the swimming pool has many areas and facilities that help make the whole set-up great. There are numerous shower cubicles both private and open plan to suit your preference and there are hundreds of lockers to store all of your space.

The main pool is decked out with chairs to hold your towels and areas with tables to sit around as well as a place you can purchase drinks from when you just want a relaxing sit down. There is a whirlpool section which takes you in a loop with water jets pushing you around and provides fun for people all ages. Twice an hour in the main part of the pool there is a wave machine that provides waves for people to experience and if you head to the outside pool you will find the water to be a lot warmer. Once outside you will notice a shelf style seating area in the water for you to sit in as jets gently massage your back. You also have access to a plunge pool where the temperature ranges from 12 degrees to -16 degrees, this is only for the brave and very very warm blooded people, trust me I couldn’t last with my hand in there for longer than ten seconds at a time! Don’t forget access to a salt pool and two hot tubs!

Rapids!

To top it off, they had rapids, human rapids, you slide down on your bottom, or your front, whichever way you feel more comfortable, and you go down a series of slides until you get half way. When you are half way there is an area where you can take a breather before going into the slides that have powerful jets forcing you very fast down the chutes until you end up landing in a pool not even a metre high.

So all in all, 10/10 for the swimming pool facilities!

If you are short of cash and just want a silly night out the Sports Plaza puts on a FREE Disco for both kids and adults. The kids’ disco runs daily from 6pm – 9pm and the adults’ disco runs from 9pm – midnight. The bar near the venue does some amazing kids cocktails and mocktails as well as a wide variety of milkshakes including Kiwi and peach flavour, all for £2.95 so they are wonderful if you just want to kick back and relax.

If you are feeling adventurous there are numerous sports activities including Badminton, Pedalo driving, archery and much much more! If you have infinite amounts of money then filling time will not be hard for you, if you want a cheaper option, we spent the majority of the time in the pool, as well as having a £4.50 game of Adventure golf at a group booking discount and that was fun!

We took part in an archery lesson and it was very educational. It costs £16 per person for an hours training. 

Elveden Forest Target Archery

You get put in pairs and work on an archery board between you starting from the furthest point and work your way forward learning the techniques needed to hit the gold target, or at least the red!

If you are a person who enjoys long walks in the countryside then you have to take a trip to Center Parcs. There are lovely trails to walk around until you can walk no more.

One thing that seemed interesting to us as customers of Center Parcs besides the toilet roll supplies, was whilst we were in the swimming pool, we noticed signs up saying that there was a water shortage and that water bottles would be distributed to all forms of accommodation in the meantime. Later on that night we saw another poster stating that the water is not contaminated but it would be better to drink the water from the bottles provided rather than drink the tap water. Spare bottles were available from the Center shop should people need more which was amusing because the shop closed at 7pm that night…

This telephone box was the only reason we
remembered how to get home!

One issue we had though was that we got lost on the way back from the centre to the lodge because they all look the same. We were staying in Maple, in room 500 or something, but because it was dark when we left the centre we must have taken a wrong turn somewhere because we ended up making a five minute walk last over an hour and had to walk from Maple 800 to 500, it was not fun! However the next morning we found a route that took 5 minutes and we stuck to it. We wrote it in the map and never strayed from it again.

One part of the holiday that I adored because of my love of wildlife was the patio area we had in our accommodation. Each morning we had two squirrels, three ducks and a robin on out patio smiling through the windows at us. We all had a weak spot for these animals and put bread and biscuits out for them daily. It was the highlight of my holiday to watch a duck eat popcorn and a squirrel jump onto the table and take a full biscuit away in his mouth!

So, a holiday for six people at £70 minus food, was it worth the money?

I would say yes. Regardless of the minor issues we found in our holiday the accommodation is nearly top notch, the facilities are fantastic and the food and drinks are well priced for the most part. There is a wide variety of activities to suit sporty people, families and couples who just want a break and the prices of these activities are reasonable.

A holiday is what you make of it and regardless of what you’re into, you can make a perfect holiday even if you are stuck at home.

After this experience I understand what people see in Center Parcs holidays and I really do recommend it, even for the swimming pool facilities alone!

I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday and urge anyone who wants a holiday in the UK to consider Center Parcs as their choice location.

If you would like any additional information or would like to make abooking then head to the Center Parcs webste: http://www.centerparcs.co.uk

Also if you would like more information on the progress of Woburn Center Parcs, please visit this website: http://www.centerparcs.co.uk/discover/archived_news/woburn_planning.jsp

Victoria V L Walker